Chapter 0.0

Hello, and welcome to my newest attempt at a legacy! I’ve tried many legacies in the past, both in the Sims 2 and the Sims 3, and eventually, they all seem to lose my interest. I knew that I needed something different to keep my interest, and I’ve always had an interest in Sim genetics, so I decided to try out a Prettacy, which is something I’ve never done before (I was tempted to do an Uglacy, but decided that this way, I would have prettier and prettier Sims to look forward to instead). Thus, Herping and Derping was born.

But enough about me. Let’s meet our founder.

Herp: I think I’m in the wrong place
Epic Voice Person (EVP): Nonsense, Herp, you’re in just the right place! You’re a legacy founder, after all.
Herp: Oh no…
EVP: It’s not so bad. Now, turn around, the readers what to see your-

EVP: Oh. Oh dear.
Herp: What?!
EVP: Oh, nothing, nothing… it’s just that this is going to be harder than I thought.
Readers, meet Herp Derpington, the founder of this noble Prettacy! Feel free to insert your thunderous applause here.
*crickets*
Or… not.

Herp Derpington is an artistic virtuoso with a photographer’s eye, who also happens to be mean-spirited. He’s a bit of a couch potato, too. His favorite color is lime, which is also the color of his favorite dessert: key lime pie. He listens to classical music and hopes to one day become Master of the Arts by maximizing his guitar and painting skills. He’s a Cancer.

All rolled randomly, as will be all other traits over the course of the legacy.

For this legacy, I thought I would mix things up a little bit. So, instead of just doing what I think my sims should do, I’m going to promise  any wish that my sims get if I have an open slot for them.

First, Herp wished for logical things; an easel and a guitar, in order to help him fufill his lifetime wish. So far, so good.

Then, Herp wanted to paint. Again, this makes sense.
And then, this promising wants things got to be more work than I was looking for.

You see, Herp, not realizing that he only had $1,800 to his name (before buying the easel and guitar), decided to blow $400 on guitar lessons. And me, true to my word, indulged in this want, as much as I really, really didn’t want to.
Herp then decided he wanted a job.

As a stylist.

Now, I’ve never played as a stylist before, and I’ll admit, I was intrigued by the prospect. Plus, I couldn’t say no, what with my promising wishes thing. So I sent him off to the salon. I mean, at least it’s an opportunity to meet potential baby mamas, right?

EVP: Pssst, herp, that’s Dina Caliente! She could dilute down those genetics of yours!
Dina: As if I would go for Herp Derpington. Besides, I’m already involved with Mortimer.
EVP: We’ll see about that, Dina, we’ll see…

Nina Caliente also made an appearance at the salon, so, if Dina/Herp – Derp – doesn’t work out, there’s always sister B.

Herp and his boss don’t get along too well; Herp rolled the want to insult him right after being hired. That mean spirited trait is going to be the end of us, Herp. Or, you know. The end of your job. Either way.

Herp decides to chat up Dina.
Herp: Boooooobies.
Dina: Oh, wow, you’re creepy.
EVP: Yeah, if there was a  heavy-set, uni-browed man staring at my chest I’d be disturbed too.

Herp: DEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPP.

Somehow, Herp charms Dina into letting him give her a makeover.
Herp: Darling, we just have to get rid of that top, netting is SO 2011.

Herp: And something has to be done about those shorts. Honey, they make your ass look like a squash.

Dina doesn’t seem too fond of being criticized, but allows Herp to proceed anyway.

Herp: There, darling, now you look like a sexy cantaloupe!
Dina: Meh.

Herp decided to head on home after that. He had had a long day becoming acquainted with Legacy Island, and the lovely cantaloupe Dina.

I feel bad for him, he’s just so awkward and ugly.
Herp: *tear falls into cereal*
EVP: Awww, Herp, I love you! Don’t be sad! We’ll find you a lady friend!
Herp: It’s not that. I just want to watch TV so badly, and I don’t have enough money for one! *cries*
EVP: Urgh. I’ll get rid of that watch TV want, don’t worry about it.

Until then, I decided to work on fulfilling other wants, mainly those involving Herp’s guitar.
Herp: *singing* All by myself… don’t wanna be…. all by myseeeeeeeeellllllfffffffffffffff.
EVP: Alright, since your mood continues to plummet the later  it gets, it’s time for bed!

And so ends Herp’s first day in Legacy Island.
Herp: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Herp’s kind of boring, in case you didn’t notice.

After having a bowl of cereal, Herp decided it was time to fulfill his boring watch TV want. So, we headed over to Dina’s house, because Dina is Herp’s only… sort of… friend.

Nina: Oh shit, it’s him! Be quiet, and maybe he’ll go away!
Herp: Hey Dina! Hey Nina! *waves*
Dina: Hell…

Dina: Oh, hey Herp… *stares at feet* What a… nice… surprise.
Herp: Hey Dina! Just thought I’d stop by and see my buddy! 😀
Dina: Oh, well, I was just about to head out, actually… but Nina will be here all day, won’t you, Nina?
Nina: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

And so, Herp and Nina spent the day watching TV together, fulfilling Herp’s want and thoroughly creeping Nina out.

Herp: I like the show with Pedobear better.
Nina: Uh huh…

It was at this point that I realized Herp desperately needed a bath (since blowing all of his money on a guitar class, he couldn’t afford a shower). I wondered if I would be able to sneak into Nina’s bathtub while she was distracted.

That… didn’t work out quite as planned.
Nina: Get… out…. now!

Herp: But your soap smells so lemony fresh…
Okay, Herp, this isn’t going to work… time for a new plan.

We then discovered that Dina and Nina had a hot tub on their roof.

Herp: Awwwwww yeah.
You didn’t really think that he would take his shirt off, did you? Trust me, there are things that mortal eyes shouldn’t see…. *shudder*

Herp returned home, feeling refreshed, and spent the rest of the day painting. We have to earn money on his off days somehow.

Later that night, it was back to Dina’s house because, let’s face it, Derp is a stinky fellow, and the hot tub only kept the stink fumes away for so long… I was hoping that Dina would let him stay the night, then, he’d be able to use the tub and cook a proper meal.

Dina: Oh, Herp… you’re back.
Herp: Yeah, Dina, I just couldn’t stay away. Really. I don’t know why, but some weird force keeps pulling me back here…
EVP: *Whistles innocently*

Herp: Anyway… I was wondering… *pulls into hug*
Dina: Oh wow, you stink! But somehow, I can’t resist hugging you back…

Herp: Would you… move in with me? I’ve been having some monetary problems lately, and it would help a lot if you’d come and live with me. We don’t have to be romantic about it, either, although I’m not gonna lie, that would be… a bonus.
Dina: Uhhh…..
What will she say? Shall I leave you in suspense?
Nah….

Owww, rejected! As you can see, Herp is sleeping alone tonight.
We also learned that Dina has commitment issues, which is why she doesn’t want to move in with Herp.

At this point, I gave in and sold Herp’s guitar so he could buy a shower. When the household has more money, he’ll get his guitar back.

Herp continues to work his job as a stylist…

…And embarrasses more and more of the residents of Legacy Island daily.

He also takes every opportunity that he can to nap on the job.

Nights were still lonely for Herp, and he invited over Dina regularly. She was, after all, his only friend… except now, the feelings were mutual. Dina was really warming up to Herp.

EVP: Don’t look so sad, Herp, Dina will be over soon.
Herp: I’m not sad. This is my happy face.

Okay…

As luck would have it, Dina arrived at the lot at just the inopportune time…

Dina: Oh wow… he’s so hairy. I… kinda like it.
EVP: O.O

Since there really isn’t much to do at Herp’s house, Herp and Dina decided to watch the stars.
And Herp decided to make his move.

Things were finally looking up for Herp.
And Derp is my favorite new ship.

Herp: Dina, I had a wonderful time tonight.
Dina: Me too, Herp.

Herp: I’m sorry, Dina, I shouldn’t have done that, I know that you probably don’t want to rush things and-
Dina: Herp, shut up.

Herp didn’t have a bed, but that didn’t stop Dina.

Dina: Wow, that Herp really knows how to treat a woman. I’m going to have to rethink that whole moving in with him thing.
And so, Dina moved in with Herp that night.

Dina Caliente, soon to be Derpington (if she’ll have Herp) is a hot-headed vixen who is very flirty and charismatic. Some would go so far as to say that she’s a smoozer. She’s been known to have some commitment issues. Her favorite color is orange. She loves classical music and grilled salmon. She wants to one day become a Jack of All Trades by reaching level 5 of 4 different careers. She is a Leo. 

With the money that Dina brought in, I was able to buy these two an actual bed, and a toilet! (Yeah, Herp didn’t have one up until now). I also made a bathroom a little later.

As I said several times, I am trying to fulfill every wish of my Sims. So, I was kind of perturbed when Dina rolled the throw party wish.
Dina! We don’t have that much money! What are you thinking?!
Dina: *Rolls wish to have GREAT party*
*head/desk*

 Here are our party fixtures. Nice place, right? Yeah, we still only have a bathroom. And she’s trying to throw a party.

Dina invited over Mortimer Goth and her sister, Nina, because those were the two she had the highest relationship with. Nina didn’t come, and Mortimer, when he arrived a half hour early, promptly accused Dina of cheating.

Which lead to slapping.

I ended up making the two dance together to try and see if I could save the party, but it was no use. Mortimer ended up leaving in a huff.

Alexander, who crashed the party, seemed to have a great time, however, and left feeling “All partied out”. Ultimately, the party wasn’t bad; but it wasn’t the great party that Dina still wishes for, either.
You might be wondering, though: where was Herp during all of this?

Doing what else but sleeping, his favorite past time?

We’re going to have to work on where he sleeps, though. I don’t think that the town would like it very much knowing that there was a creepy man sleeping outside of the elementary school.

What will happen next time? Will Derp survive? Will Dina throw a great party like she wants to? Will Herp avoid being arrested for pedophilia? And will we finally get to see some of the first generation?

Tune in next time to find out! Until then, happy simming!