Hello, and welcome back to H&D! In our last chapter, Wumbo had reached childhood, along with her IF Pat, and Leedle was still… well, Leedling. Weast was born, and a random old Paparazzi decided to grace us with his presence right before keeling over!
Also, I feel the need to point out that if the second half of this chapter doesn’t make a lot of sense, it’s because I wrote it after driving for four hours, and then drinking a beer.
OKAY enough of that. Let’s check on what’s going on with the family right now.
NOTE: This chapter was finished on Friday (March 16th). It’s only coming out now because my internet connection was spastic while I was out of town.
Wumbo: Uhhhh… I’d rather not get on that bus, if it’s all the same to you…
EVP: Ahh, scared to go to school? I see…
Wumbo: No, that’s not exactly it…
Wumbo: …I’m more afraid of getting on that bus.
Wow, that’s quite the U-turn…
She eventually got on the bus anyway.
And… look who got an IF! (I kinda already spoiled this earlier… sorry). Geez, this family! I think this is the first time every single kid has gotten one. Oh well. The more the merrier.
Strange poses they make, those IFs… I never noticed that before. Do they all pose differently?
Dexter still gets some loving, but with Dina and Herp working and the kids getting older, I decided that he deserved from companionship…
Meet Cleo, everybody! I think she’s adorable, personally.
Cleo: *enthusiastically* Arf!
Paparazzi doesn’t seem to like Cleo, though.
Paparazzi: *grumbles something about big dogs guarding celebrity houses*
Herp seems to like the new addition though.
Oh, and he also likes that new addition, too. But not as much as Cleo.
Leedle: *is neglected*
Wumbo decided to plop down in some random restaurant after school. And to think, I assumed she’d just come home like normal Sim kids. Silly me. This family is anything but normal.
Wumbo: I’ll be back for you, strange shiny man.
NO. No vampires, at least not this early on. They are irritating.
Dina: NOOOOOO. NOT MIDDLE AGE!!!!
Dina: I want to keep my youth!!!!
Dina: *promptly has midlife crisis*
NOOOOOOOO. Not a midlife crisis!!!!! I hate those fracking things.
Herp: Yes, I’ve decided to be a family man and quit my job. I want more time to work on my music and art, and to spend with my wife, children, and furry friends.
Yeah, he quit his job. Don’t blame me, he rolled the want for it. And besides, he was still only at about level 3 after all this time.
I fail as a stylist.
After getting the two dogs and training them to hunt, the family came into a lot of money. Also, Dina and Herp both had relatives “mysteriously” die and leave them an inheritance of $30,000 each. Yep. Lifetime Reward.
BUT now the house looks nicer.
Dina got a makeover from Mortimer Goth, who is both frustrated and amused. I was frustrated, not amused. I knew I could definitely give her a better makeover.
I think it’s a pretty good makeover. She looks more mature, but still very pretty.
Dina: *sobs over lost youth*
Damn you, midlife crisis!!!!
Oh, and she brought Weast with her and left her on the floor. You know those celebrities…
Wumbo: Maybe this potion thing is a bad idea… is he going to be worse when he’s real?
I really don’t know, Wumbo. Just keep working! *cracks whip*
Dina wanted to go to the cemetery. I think she wanted to pay her respects to the random stranger who died on her lot. I sent her in to explore the mausoleum. You know. Mysterious Gnomes and stuff.
Leedle: I grow up! Yay!
Family: *nobody cares*
Poor Leedle… I have a bad feeling that this neglect will lead to bad things in the future…
Leedle: Just you wait, Derpingtons. I will be the heir. I will take over this family. And then…. THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Yep, he rolled the Evil trait. No, it was seriously completely random. I couldn’t make this stuff up.
Every child in this family is ridiculously emotionally unstable.
Herp had his own little birthday at his easel.
Herp: OHMIGOSH. A HAND.
No midlife crisis here! Yay!
Dina: It’s really dark and creepy in here!
Keep going! I’m sure you’ll find something eventually…
Dina: Yeah. I found a bear.
Damn. No gnome. 😦
And here’s Leedle’s IF, Hesper! (Don’t ask about the name; the game generated it randomly and I went with it, BECAUSE RANDOMNESS IS WHAT I DO!)
Leedle: One day, Hesper, you and I will rule the world! With you by my side, as my evil sidekick and minion, nothing will go wrong! Nothing! NOTHING! MUAHAHAHAH!
Hesper: Good job working on that evil laugh, Leedle!
Hesper, don’t encourage him!
What are you doing Leedle?
Leedle: I’m practicing my speech for when I rule the world.
He is a rather frightening little boy.
You know what they say: the family that works out together…
Yeah, I’ve got nothing.
Dina: Herp, I love you.
Dina: But I am sick and tired of seeing your ugly face! I am sick of you!
Herp: What did I do, pumpkin?!?!?!
What the fracking menopause is this?!
Dina: You existed, damn it! You existed and forced me to marry you, when I could have been happily single my whole life banging Don Lothario!
Herp: Isn’t that your sister’s boyfriend though?
Dina: URGGH. It doesn’t MATTER! The point is, you TRAPPED me in this marriage. And I want out!
Herp: What are you saying?!
Dina: I want a divorce, now!
Herp: Dina! What about us?! What about the kids? Where will you go?!
Dina: Oh, don’t get any ideas. I’ll be staying right here so I can watch my kids grow up. I just don’t want anything to do with you any more!
Herp: Well… Okay then. I guess we’re seperated.
What?!!??! NOOOOOOOOOO. MY OTP DERP IS RUINED.
It’s not my fault, guys. Seriously. Dina rolled the crazy midlife crisis wish to break up with Herp, and since I’m on that “fufill the wishes” kick… I had to.
Weast was growing up during all of this. It’s no wonder she’s insane, she is the most neglected child out of all three. Poor kids.
But don’t just feel bad for the kids and Herp. Dina’s pretty broken up about all of this too. In a fit of crazy hormones, she broke up with the love of her life. She’s so broken up about it that she’s merged with her counter and is attempting to enter another dimension through her mirror.
Dina: (muffled) What have I done?
When her inter-dimensional travel plans were shot, Dina decided to plead with Herp, hoping he’d take her back.
Herp: Dina, I love you more than anything but you’ve shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces. If we get back together, I need some time to heal. Plus, you acted as though you regretted me rushing you into our marriage, and I’m not going to do that again.
Dina: That’s all I need, Herp. Let’s try things out, nice and slow again, and see how it goes. Now, would you like to go stargazing with me?
So much for slow… Oh well.
Derp lives on!
Leedle: Hehehe… today, I’m skipping school, to work on my plans of world domination!
Hesper: Are you sure that’s a good idea, boss?
Leedle: Of course! What could possibly go wrong?!
So many imaginary friends… *sigh* Hopefully Wumbo gets that potion worked out soon.
Weast: I wuv Pwatches. *huggles*
Herp: *while on phone* Young man! What are you doing home?! You’re in big trouble mister! Go to time out, NOW!
Leedle: (Mutters) One day father, one day… I will take my revenge!
I’m sorry, Leedle, but I’m just not seeing the intimidating factor that any evil mastermind needs…
Herp: Oh, Dina…
Herp: Oh Dina, how could you?!
Herp: She ripped my heart to shreds, EVP!
EVP: You’ll be okay, Herp. You just need some time to heal.
I guess Wumbo decided to play dress up. And then somebody called and disturbed her.
Despite everything, we did eventually get Weast walking, talking, and potty trained.
Right in time for Wumbo’s birthday! (Which has nothing to do with Weast, so pretend it does!)
Pat: IT’S A GIRAFFE HAHAHA!
Wumbo: Ahhhhhhh yeah.
Gee, thank you, Wumbo, for closing your eyes.
Still, we don’t need her eyes open to recognize her resemblance to her father.
Along with no longer having a wedding ring, this woohoo tattoo is another constant reminder of Dina’s midlife crisis. *sigh*
There’s a party in Wumbo’s bedroom, all night long…
But, nobody but her invisible friend comes to it, so most wouldn’t consider it a party, I don’t think.
What, woohoo hearts? Well, since Dina and Herp are broken up and all of the rest of the humans are teens, that can only mean one thing: puppies!
What will the puppies look like? Will Dina and Herp ever get married again? Will anybody ever pay attention to poor Weast?
Find out in our next installment of Herping and Derping! I’m going to go and pass out now.